Welcome
Thu, Jul 16, 2009
(Its the one that didn’t make it to the contest)
“Thanks again for the lift.”
"It’s no big deal. Am glad I could help"
She caught him stealing glances that kept drifting down her neckline.
"Could you take the next exit and drop me a mile down?"
"No problem at all. You don’t live there do you.
It’s just that, this place is quite far away from the town, you know."
"No, I don’t stay here. This is just a clubhouse.
We are a community of wine-lovers who meet to share the sacred wine preserved over generations."
“Sounds like a swell party."
“You must join us then, if it’s alright with you?"
“Me? I wont barge into you party. No!
Besides, I’ll be a total misfit. I don’t know anything about Wine."
“All the more reason for you to join in.
Come on. Just one sip and I promise, you’ll see a whole new world."
“If it’s that good, I guess a glass of wine wouldn’t do any harm.
You sure it’ll be okay with your friends?"
“Of course, after all I’m the one who recruited them.
This way in."
"What’s all the smoke in here? I can’t see a soul."
She wore a wicked a smile as she said, “Here. Have a drink. It’ll help you see better."
The smoke cleared as he took a sip.
Every head in the room turned towards him.
There was something wrong with them. Their faces had no eyes…just hollow abyss.
"What… what the hell is this? What are they? And what’s happening to… Argh!"
Helpless screams echoed through the merciless walls.
His eyes melted out as she whispered, “Now you’ll see the Truth.
This world is full of darkness and you are now a part of it -Welcome!"
Tags: Flash Fiction
first of all i aint a critic
but still
all i can say is…superb..one just cant figure tat its gonna be scary
n it turns out to be…SPONTANEOUSLY!!
cheers!!
Thank you! I generally like to keep a twist in the end.
But the person giving a lift almost always ends up in trouble in all the movies/stories. Unless of course, he is the ‘Yes, Man’
This is quite a difference from your submitted work, and I can’t say which is better because they are so different. I like the darkness, but the other is sweet.
It is interesting that we both focused on sight and blindness and truth. I swear, there’s something going on in this writing community! Let’s just hope we don’t sprout fangs…
I think I said it before, but you’re getting better and better, Aniket. Good work!
Oh I would love fangs. I love the song from Juno ‘I am a Vampire, I am king of the city; but the pretty girls don’t look at me… don’t look at me!’
For the record, I liked Wine Girl more, cause I believe in it more.
Hey – that green guy with the fangs!? Not me???
About time you signed up with Gravatar, then. You’ll get your profile pic then. Its one time effort. Sorry for that.
Dearest, darling Aniket – thank you for not submitting this piece. I would have had nightmares for decades.
Oh, wait.
Darn it.
Okay I ran back over to CoN to read the piece you actually submitted. Its sweetness helped soothe the sting of the melting eyes.
LoL. Come on, Janey’s piece wins over all the gory stories combined.
Her story is Spock when we play Rock-Paper-Scissors-Liszard-Spock.
Spock wins over everything.
Yeah, not my favourite story! Scary and it doesn’t have the crispness of the other one!!!
P.S. Master of fiction? EEP! *blushes*
I loved the other one more too.
About the crispy-ness, I gave a fair warning. This is just an un-edited draft. (Its over 250 right now) Would have brushed this up if I had decided to go through it.
Ooh, this one is dramatic and has its own flair, but I do like the one you submitted more.
They’re both wonderful.
Hiii! Welcome here.
Oh. I surely loved the other one more too.
Am loving all the comments am getting over there so, no regrets at all.
Thanks for coming over here. I still have to 20 odd stories to go. Will start visiting everyone’s blog then.
This is great! Like all your stuff it made me want more.
The one you submitted, however, was stellar. It had a quiet sensuality to it and the vignette was so accessible. It made me nostalgic for that fun time when you are all hopeful and idealize another person.
Plus it was dead sexy!
I know. I know. Everyone loves the wine girl more than the psychotic female with mystical power to melt eyes.
Am glad I’ve made at least one new friend from this contest. You’ll find many awesome people from the contest on my sidebar. We have our own community of sorts built up. You are the newest member.
I agree. After editing, this one would have given a close fight to the chosen one. I too went with a less darked version; but ended up packing too much in just 250 words.
.
Loved your romantic and lucid work there
Thanks for stopping by here. I just finished reading all yesterday.
Would be paying you all a visit over your blogs soon.
Am glad you liked Wine Girl. I’m a true romantic so that piece was more heartfelt than this one.
1. i am as jealous as a green gourd. i want a cool page like this… how do i get one?
2. the other one was crisper, but this one was something else… i loved both.
3. lord of fiction and poetry? me and sarah and jason too? turning from green to red quicker than a traffic signal.
4. does this mean you wont be reading my blog any more? i just posted.
Hehehe!
1. Buy your own domain. Shift to wordpress.
Thanks. Missed you over there.
2. My thoughts exactly.
3. Well you do write both don’t you?
4. I will, of course. Have to give my list of favorites to Jason before the deadline. So busy re-reading all the entries. Will surely come by ASAP.
And you better add this to your feed reader. I’m getting tired of reminding everyone.
You wicked, wicked Puck of a man. Asking for my top five on CoN! Let’s just say India was well represented.
Oddly enough, I found that the short pieces I gravitate toward tend not to be the things I would most likely want to read in book form. Several entries were posted that would have prompted me to buy the book if they were on the back cover but none of them made it to my short list for the contest. I guess it really is two entirely different forms of story telling, like photography vs. filmmaking. On the whole, though, the best cinematic pieces have frame after frame of images that mean something instead of relying on the context of the film to lend importance to each scene.
I must confess I quite like it. It’s addictive and gratifying, the need to etch each word with such precision. Overall it is a fantastic exercise in wordsmithing and is sending me back through the much abused manuscript looking for better word choices.
I think I get what you mean.
To make the readers think and figure out the back story is very tricky business and can easily backfire.
We should keep them guessing but a flash fiction should also stand by its own as one complete package.
Am sure you would have made wise choices young one.