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In Transit in Paris

In Transit in Paris

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An early morning, after a night which went on for too long,
As we look at our cups of coffee,
Always looking down, eyes never meeting,
Despite the morning chill.
We wait together, fingers lost in motion,
We look around, but never at each other.

I ask if you are hungry,
You look at the plum blossoms and nod absently.
Our fingers brush briefly, and tingle our senses,
But we never acknowledge the touch, and continue in our voids.
The food gets cold, the Paris chill strong,
But we never eat, just wait, wait for the time to heal.

I hear voices around, but they mean nothing to me,
But I keep hearing, hearing the unknown.
My questions remain unanswered, my feelings lost,
I wait for you to talk, to help me understand,
But you remain silent, lost in your thoughts.

Its time to leave our transit point,
But our life remains still.
We leave the coffee table alone, leaving everything intact.
We move, but do not move,
Just two souls,
Lost in our own worlds.

Siddhartha
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July 2, 2010handbook Post Under Flash Fiction - Comments
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  • http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.com Aniket

    You captured my attention right from the first line. And you kept me there with the tiny details, the tension you portrayed. Loved it.

    I find it particularly hard to write a strong piece in first person. You did just that with finesse.

  • http://lifeaseetees.blogspot.com/ Kits

    Lovely verse. My fave line ‘Its time to leave our transit point but our life remains still’. It really gets me to imagine the scene and what is going on in the protagonist’s head. V nice indeed

  • http://www.siddharthajoshi.com Siddhartha

    Thanks a lot Aniket and Kits; yes it was a little tough to write it in first person and I wasn’t sure how much of ‘me’ in the poem would be too much. Nevertheless, I am glad that the you two found it interesting.

  • Aerin

    I am always suspect of a man writing about relationships (yes, I’m sexist, I guess.) The voice felt wholly authentic, lingering and sad. I loved this piece.

  • http://lyricsandmaladies.blogspot.com/ joaquin

    you’ve walked a fine line in this – keeping an underlying tension beneath the emptiness – and you did it really well. like aerin said, it feels authentic , and it simmers, centering (for me) on “We move, but do not move” – great work.

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