Departure:Today

Departure:Today

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12/3/2000, 18:49pm
1 second
You asked me to wait
I stood watching you
enter the gate

12/3/2000, 18:50pm
1 minute
later i found many
faces come
I thought you’d atleast
resemble some

14/3/2000, 10:00am
Tuesday
You said you’d
come to heal my pain
Time has done
it’s job again

–/08/2000, –:–
August
They all talked about
the pleasant monsoon
I wondered when did August
come straight after june

–/–/2001, –:–
1 year
I have lost the count
of days and time
I wonder if the poetry of life
still rhymes

–/–/2002, –:–
2 years
The trains, it’s sound
only give me joy
Everytime the track trembles
hopes fill my eyes

–/–/2003, –:–
3 years
I have been waiting
for you, here
But the stinking me
is about to stir

Today
they bury me along with
my hopes so true
And i walk, finally,
looking for you.

yamini.murty
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Written by: yamini.murty on August 11, 2010.
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August 11, 2010 Post Under Flash Fiction - Comments
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  • http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.com Aniket

    Hey! So glad that you finally made it here. :)

    I loved its structure and how you used it to carry the piece forward with time-shifts. It organised the pacing and made the piece look beautiful to the eyes.
    To be honest, I fell off the rhyme when you shifted from ABAB in the first para to ABCBC in the second.
    But I recovered in time. :)

    Oh, and Joaquin has given me some tips to practice poetry and master rhythm in it. If you’re interested, I’d be glad to share it with you. Its an awesome breakdown to practice.

  • http://lifeaseetees.blogspot.com/ Kits

    Lovely stuff Yamini :) I am liking ‘poetry of life rhyming’ :) V v nice it be!

  • http://shelli-proffitt-howells.blogspot.com/ Shelli

    I really love how you captured the feel of time with the date stamp — how immediate and important it feels at first, and then it just blends together and isn’t important anymore. It enhanced the piece immensely.

  • http://lyricsandmaladies.blogspot.com/ joaquin

    i really like the structure of this too – a concrete passage of time rather than just the idea of it – and how things are slipping away, first shedding the hours and then the dates. i think the breaking up of the rhyme kind of does that too.

    it’s a great take on the prompt and a haunting poem in its own right. nicely done.

  • http://expressmyway.blogspot.com yamini

    thanx everybody :)

  • http://www.senoritaspeak.blogspot.som Senorita

    @ Yamini… you rock, like the way relate waiting at the railway station to life… this piece brings back bitter-sweet memories… thankyou :)

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