Walking Away
Written by: Lena
“You think you know me?” James shouted. “You think you understand me? To hell with you, Annie. You just have no idea.” He turned on his heel and marched off.
“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even say anything,” Annie called after him. He didn’t respond. He didn’t turn around to look at her. He just walked away.
For the next few minutes she stood there stunned trying to understand what just had happened. Unable to comprehend the sudden outburst of anger – James always was a calm kind of a person – she was very confused and worried. She wanted to run after him right away but it would take time to call her mother and ask her to come and look after kids. By the time she reached there, that too if she did not ask any questions, he would have been long gone. Disappeared without a trace. Helpless she watched him walk down the street until he passed out of sight. Then she turned her back to the road and entered the house.
He didn’t have any place to go to. His family was all that he had got. And he just had walked out on them. Well, not really walked out. He planned to go back. He did. He just didn’t know when. He sauntered through the town aimlessly glancing round from time to time. Watching people. Observing. Searching for a place to hide. A place where he could be alone. The crowd made him nervous. He didn’t feel like he belonged here. He belonged to his family but at the moment his only desire was to be left alone.
Subway, James thought. I got to go to the station. A new station was to open the next day. All preparations done, it had to be empty. His conclusions didn’t fail him. When he reached the station nobody was there. He paced back and forth, his steps echoing in the breathless silence of the construction.
“Hello?”
The sound of a stranger’s voice startled him.
“Oh, sir, excuse me, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Now he could see an old man coming right at him, smiling.
“No, it’s okay,” James said. “I just didn’t expect anyone here.”
“Neither did I,” the man responded. “Are you from the company?”
“The company?”
“Yes, the construction company, they wanted to send a man to check something before the grand opening tomorrow.”
“Oh, I see. No, I am not from the company. I…mmm… I…” He stumbled not able to find a reason why he was there. Or rather not able to explain the reason to a stranger.
“You are?” The man waited.
“I don’t know… Just…”
“Lonely?” The man suggested.
“Yes, I guess. But how do you…”
“Know?” The man smiled bitterly. “You are not the first one, you are not the last one.”
“What do you mean?”
“They come and go.”
“Who?”
“People. The ones that think they are lonely. The ones who believe nobody understands them. Stupid, ignorant ones who abandon their families just to show that they can. Waiting for their wives and husbands to run after them. Not appreciating what they have. People like you.”
James wanted to interrupt the man. He wanted to explain himself. He was not like those people. No way. He loved his family.
But the man wouldn’t let him say a word.
“They come here and there. Searching for happiness, craving for paradise. Fools. Middle age crisis, they say. Selfish, that is what I call them. One has family, kids, why would one wanna run away? Lonely? You think you are lonely? Try to survive your wife and kids. Where will you run when you don’t have anyone? Nowhere. You want to run from loneliness. Here is a surprise for you. You can’t escape this damn thing. You’ll be all alone till the rest of your life. Fifty years alone. Fifty damn years.”
The man finished talking. A heavy silence hung over the station.
James refused to move or even to speak, afraid it might lead to a new monologue of the old man. But he might as well had saved his breath. It took less than a couple of minutes for the man to start it again. This time James discerned a muffled sobbing and had to make an effort in order to understand the words.
“My girl, she was only six,” the man cried. “Why, God? Why did you do it to me? And Mary, she was so beautiful. Everyone loved her. Why did you have to take them away?”
James realized he’d better go. The man didn’t talk to him anymore. He cried over the loss he had suffered. The loss he didn’t seem to have got over in many years. He didn’t need anyone to talk to him now. He wouldn’t even realize anyone was there.
Slowly James left the station. There was only one place he wanted to be right now. It didn’t take him long to reach home. He found his wife in the living room.
“Hey, honey,” he called.
She looked closely at him not knowing what to expect.
“Are you back?” she asked.
“Yes, I am,” he smiled. “Sorry about earlier.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “Everybody needs to be alone sometimes.”
“Yup,” he replied, the picture of the crying old man in an empty subway station still before his eyes. “Only sometimes.”