smoke

smoke

Written by:




“No! I am trying to quit.”

“Just one?”

“No! this one one makes it fifty everyday.”

“It will cool you down.”

“I am not listening to you anymore!”

And I finally won over him, my other half.



Noopur Julka
View all posts by Noopur Julka
Noopurs website
Written by: Noopur Julka on August 20, 2010.
news
August 20, 2010 Post Under FlashFiction Not-on-Prompt - Comments
  • http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.com Aniket

    You sure are on a roll here, aren’t you? I see you have now followed the other rules of 55WF here too by providing a conflict and a resolution.

    I like that it was an inner struggle in the end. Though, I must admit that on first read I thought that by ‘other half’you meant his wife. ;)

    Bro. tells me you’re taking my critiques quite sportingly, so here’s one more :D – I would’ve kept ‘for the day’ or ‘today’ instead of ‘per day’. And though it’ll take some of the punch away, but it’ll make the ending far more believable if you only keep the inner voice italicized and the other as it is. Its a matter of choice I guess, but I sometimes feel cheated as a reader when if the twist seems forced. So I usually go for believable than the punch. And either there are too many too good lairs out there (yes, I see you all in my blogroll) or mostly, it works for me. :)

  • http://noopur.co.cc Noopur Julka

    :)
    Yep I try to remember d rules.
    A wife is a better half not other half ;)
    Bro also reminded me its illegal to copy stories and some other friends doubt the originality of my stories.
    Either people are underestimating me or i m too good :p
    Have made some changes.
    Thanks for the review :)

    • http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.com Aniket

      We’ll see.
      She doesn’t get to be called “better” half just because she is a woman. She’ll have to earn it. :)

  • http://noopur.co.cc Noopur Julka

    A woman cant be equated to a man.
    I mean why insult her ?

«
»
partner