The Reverend collects a debt
Written by: Ric
The inside of the carriage was like a steam bath. The portly Reverend Abernathy’s silk kerchief was saturated with his vain attempts to dry the perspiration from his brow. He disliked his quarterly visits to the farthest reaches of his parish to collect tithes, but they were a necessary task that kept him in silk kerchiefs, but took time from his birdwatching activities. He had become a recognised expert on the Starling using his free time between sermons and missed his endeavours in this regard when travelling.
The coach eventually came to a stop in a cloud of dust outside The Welcome Inn. The overnight rest and the fine meal that awaited him would indeed be welcome, but he knew that his arrival would not be. The proprietor of The Welcome Inn stepped out just in time to catch the Reverend’s dusty valise which the driver had thrown down from the top of the coach and for the Reverend Abernathy to confirm his suspicions by observing the surely look on the proprietors face.
“Good afternoon.” said the Reverend jovially “It’s good to see you again.”
“I hope you will not be stopping long this time?” The tone of the proprietor’s voice and demeanour clearly announcing his displeasure at this unwelcome visit. “You were unsuccessful last time as you shall be again this time.”
The proprietor was an atheist. A rather rare breed for the times and steadfastly refused to honour the Reverend with any tithes which required him to acknowledge the Reverend as God’s servant on earth. As steadfastly as the proprietor refused to pay the tithes, the Reverend Abernathy was determined to change the proprietors mind and claim his dues.
“Perhaps you will do me the honour of supping with me tonight so that I might be given the opportunity of changing your mind.” His invitation was met with a grunt of acceptance and the Reverend followed the proprietor to the room for some much needed rest and to freshen up before dinner.
Dinner was, as usual, a protracted affair and the arguments flowed back and forth over several courses of the Welcome Inn’s finest fare and the best part of two bottles of brandy. The proprietor’s wife fussed over the Reverend with her usual hospitality. She did not share her husband’s views, but unfortunately had no control over financial matters, the least she could do was ensure the Reverend a comfortable stay.
Eventually, realising the futility of any further argument Reverend Abernathy made the following suggestion. “If I were able to provide you with irrefutable proof of the Lord’s existence would you agree to paying all the tithes owed to the church?”
The proprietor thought for a few seconds and then said. “Yes. Yes I would, but the proof must be indisputable.”
“Excellent! I will send for my instruments in the morning.”
“Your instruments? Why would you need instruments?”
“Well, obviously, in order for you to meet The Good Lord, you will need to die.” The proprietors mouth gaped in disbelief. “However I must warn you” said the Reverend “there is one small caveat.”
“Of course there would be.” smirked the proprietor. “We both know that in such a situation you could not be proved wrong, but I could be proved right.”
“Not at all. My caveat is that should you have not lead a pious enough life it might not be my sweet Lord that you meet on the other side, but….”
With that the proprietor stood up and stormed out of the dining room. The Reverend Abernathy slowly sipped the last of his brandy and went off in search of some well earned rest.
The next morning the Reverend Abernathy rose early and headed for the dining room to enjoy breakfast. He had a busy morning of tithing ahead of him. As he sat down he noticed a small leather pouch on the table. He opened it to reveal several gold coins and a scrawled note. It read;
Dear Reverend Abernathy
I have no intention of meeting my maker for many years to come. Please leave a receipt.
Yours faithfully
Abednigo Smith
Proprietor: The Welcome Inn