Shorty Johnson’s Parrot
Written by: BandE
Shorty found the note when he came home from work. Briefly, it outlined why his long-suffering wife of eighteen years was leaving him and the parrot. Oscar, as the parrot was named, had been given to Shorty’s wife by an amorous suitor long before Shorty appeared on the scene. Therefore, he was never fond of the bird and largely ignored him.
Shorty, who was not deficient in the height department, but was given the nickname because of his short fuse and his even shorter conversational periods, took his wife’s departure in stride. He walked into the room where the bird was kept and pulled the cover off Oscar’s cage. The parrot sat on his perch and looked unblinkingly at Shorty who said, ” Well, I guess it’s just you and me, might as well teach you to talk.” The bird had never uttered a word for all the years Shorty had ignored him.
Each night, when Shorty came home, he would walk into Oscar’s room, pull off the cover and say something brilliant like, “Polly want a cracker?” Oscar would just stare at him. This went on for several weeks. Finally one night, after trying the ” Polly want a cracker” phrase for the umpteenth time, Shorty blew his fuse. He slapped the cover down on Oscar’s cage and stomped out of the room saying, “Damned stupid bird” slamming the door behind him, KERBAM!
All was quiet for a while, or so it seemed. If Shorty had taken the time to come back and listen at the door, he would have heard a very quiet little parrot voice saying over and over , “Damned stupid bird KERBAM!” followed by a very unbirdlike chuckle.
