(Author’s Note:  I just discovered your site a few days ago, and I think it’s awesome that you’re fostering a writing community by providing prompts and means of inspiration.  I’ve been having writer’s block for a few months now so I thought I might as well give a try to your site.  This piece is one of my older ones and doesn’t really fall under any of your prompts, but I thought it would be a nice way to introduce myself to everyone.  Hope you enjoy and I look forward to writing more soon.)

I.

A woman in East Michigan caused quite a media sensation when she married a washing machine.  When asked to explain her decision, she simply stated that she loved nothing more than clean clothes.  Upon hearing this, the washing machine filed for divorce soon after, releasing a statement that if she loved her scantily clad dresses so much, she should marry them.  Today, the washing machine is happily paired with a quiet and kind dryer while the woman has become notorious for wearing the same outfit for days, garnering praise from environmentalists and rebukes from fashion police everywhere.

II.

A young artist in Florida was recently arrested and arraigned for sending repeated threats to his old college roommate.  The actual threats ranged from desperate messages of unrequited love to angry, profanity-laced rants.  Police finally took action when the victim reported that he had received the artist’s severed ear, citing that the artist had not only become a danger to the victim but to himself as well.  Due to the obvious similarity with a certain Vincent Van Gogh, much of the art world began to buzz, claiming a genius of the new era had surfaced.  However, upon discovering the artist’s works, the buzz quickly died and one well established art critic stated that the artist should have done the world a favor and severed his hands instead.

III.

A middle school student in Odell, Illinois, quickly became the favorite to win the school science fair after boldly proclaiming that he had discovered a way to alter the electromagnetic properties of light around his body, rendering himself completely naked to the human eye.  Of course, such a claim was met with skepticism… until the student held a partial demonstration for the local news in which his dog vanished into thin air, and the air began to bark.  The day before the fair, thousands of media personnel flocked to the small town, causing traffic and frustrating locals with their slick city ways.  When the moment arrived, the judges maintained that every student’s project should be given the same amount of attention as they went about to see each student’s board and presentation while the media halfheartedly followed them.  Finally, they arrived at the much anticipated project, and the judges cleared their throats and called for the student to come forth.  After minutes of silence, murmurs began to grow as the crowd eagerly searched for the student whose work lay in front of them.  After hours of searching, the student was disqualified for not being present at his exhibit and the judges awarded first place to a baking soda volcano exhibit due to its attempt to raise seismic activity awareness (since the town knew nothing of volcanoes and was ill prepared if one was to occur).  A mass search was called for the missing student but the efforts were in vain, and the grief-stricken parents moved away soon after.  The town quickly faded back to obscurity and life returned to normal, though many students complain that when they find themselves alone in the hallway they can hear someone whispering, telling them, “Some day, you’ll be just like me.”

IV.

A discovery was made in New York when the previously unpublished papers of  a university physicist, who had recently passed away, were made available to the public.  The papers discussed the theory of time travel and the concept of time, which surprised few due to his growing interest in the field before his passing.  What was perplexing were the pages found along with these papers that were ascertained to be the physicist’s personal journal pages.  In these pages, the physicist spoke of a beautiful woman whom he had met many years ago.  Though they shared similar thoughts on life, enjoyed the same passions, and connected in an uncommonly way, it was much too late as she was engaged to another gentleman.  Much of the handwriting that follows is illegible, but one can discern a plan to travel back in time and meet the woman first before her engagement.  Even more perplexing is the fact that close friends and family confirm that the name of the woman in these journal entries is the same as that of his wife, who passed away a few years before him.  Many people have offered several explanations for this, but most of the public are divided among two theories.  The first believe that the physicist fabricated these entries, arguing that if he had succeeded in both time travel and wooing his future wife, he would never have written the journal entries later in his life, thus they would cease to exist today.  The second and less supported group argues that the physicist did succeed, countering the first group’s argument by offering a time loop scenario in which the physicist became unhappy with his marriage in his later years and sought to fall in love again and again with his wife in the past.   While both groups still remain divided to this day, a third group has recently grown who believe all the answers lie with the woman’s former fiancée, whose name or fate nobody seems to know.

V.

A man in San Fransisco was arrested for passing out blank newspapers out in public.  Police suspect that the man broke in and used a local paper’s printing press to create thousands of papers with just the name of the paper on top.  When asked to comment by reporters, he responded, “We are always reading everyone else’s stories, and never writing our own.”

The rest of us are still waiting to hear what happens next.